Small business owner rant ahead:
Even though I don’t know a single human being who likes to get newsletters, I am constantly shouted at by business advisers to work that email list, gurl! WERK IT!!!! So I spent two hours yesterday, Sunday, a day when I could have been not doing jack shit, or throwing ceramics, or knitting, or reading… I spent two hours working on a newsletter.
My stats today look really good — Industry average for Arts & Artists is a 23% open rate, and I have a 30% open rate on this email and overall, a 44% open rate based on my newsletter history. Industry average for clicks is just under 3% (I shit you not, 2.9%!) and I have a click rate of 8% on this email and 15% overall.
But all I can focus on are the six people who have unsubscribed in the last 16 hours since I sent the newsletter out. Part of me is wondering… what did I do wrong? Was it my personal introduction? Was it my writing? I mean, I didn’t even drop a SINGLE F-bomb! I didn’t even put in a selfie of me in my new “Knit one, fuck you” t-shirt! Why are people unsubscribing? It’s an opt-in email, I don’t just randomly send it, you have to tell me you want it! Do you all suddenly not like ceramics, soap, and yarn? Do I smell bad? Is it my hair? I know my hair is crazy! You heard me thinking the f-bomb, didn’t you. Gah!
But part of me is all, jeeeeeez, I get it. If I hadn’t written the damn thing I wouldn’t have even opened it either. I hate newsletters, and delete most of them unopened — unless, like me, it is written by a small one-person business.
So, why does everyone who has business advice tell me that newsletters are the end-all be-all of business existence? That confetti will drop from the sky, my adult acne will clear up, and people will throw bags of money at me if I send out emails monthly! Better yet, weekly! ONCE A WEEK! INBOX THAT SHIT!
Sigh. My head hurts and I am cranky. Perhaps some ice cream might be in order with my lunch. For my lunch.